"Something created a connection. And something created transformation. We found out a lot about ourselves, and got closer to what we were seeking. In a community of outstanding people, who were also seeking...I understand why past retreatants traveled from across the US to be there."

--Leila Plummer, SKS member and UNC student, on her first Avila retreat

SKS Founder Augie Turak continually warns of the dangers of "event spirituality"—relaxing all year, and then trying to find God in one intense experience or weekend. An SKS retreat is exactly the opposite approach: the culmination of an intense year of spiritual work by a dedicated community. At the first Avila retreat, Turak said "I hope this will be a chance to step back from all that and relax." Kristen Posehn reported that her year's work had been "sowing the seeds" which she then reaped at that retreat.

But the retreat is also the only time when members of all the SKS groups get together in one place. It's a time for renewing old friendships and for making new ones. A time for stepping back and appreciating one of the greatest spiritual gifts we have—a community of like-minded people who are working as hard as we are, toward the same goal.

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This year's retreat started off on an intense note: the numbers.

The numbers is an exercise developed by Augie Turak's teacher, Richard Rose. Your partner fires addition problems at you: first simple ones, then harder, until you are working with three or four digits in your head. If you get the problem wrong, you are asked the same question. If you get it right, you move on to the next question. No rewards, no punishments: just an endless succession of numbers, and a futile struggle to keep your head focused. It's amazing how grueling simple addition can be. It's also amazing how much it can clear and focus your mind.

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But the highlight of the evening was the talk given by Fleet Maull, the founder of the Prison Dharma Network.

Fleet Maull is one of the most extraordinary men you've never heard of. As a young man, he became a dedicated Buddhist monk—and at the same time, a South American drug smuggler. Of course he was aware of the ethical contradiction of his double life! But the problem was resolved when he was sent to a maximum security prison. For fifteen years, in conditions that most inmates find intolerable, Maull continued his meditation practices. And more than that—he founded the Prison Dharma Network to help other prisoners learn from Buddhist teachings, and the Prison Hospice Association to provide comfort to dying prisoners.

Dave Gold heard Fleet Maull interviewed on NPR's Fresh Air program, recognized a kindred spirit immediately, and contacted him. Formerly a lawyer, Gold offered to try to get Maull moved to a minimum security facility—a chance many inmates would kill for. Maull turned it down. "My work is here."
He brought to the retreat the strength and silence of 15 years of dedicated practices and service. And he found something too. In the students of the Self Knowledge Symposium, Fleet Maull found a new generation which was ready and eager to hear and understand his message. He seemed to get as much out of the experience as the students did.

Maull had to leave the retreat early to catch a plane. If he did not return on time to his home state, he would have been in violation of his recently gained parole. Somehow, that made the whole thing a lot more real to me.

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The next day began with workshops in art and writing

Of course, the goal was not to learn to be a great artist or writer. The art workshop and the writing workshop were both designed to help SKS members find new ways of expressing themselves to themselves—essentially a trick for making the subconscious conscious.

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In many ways, Al Wheeler was as different a speaker from Fleet Maull as you can imagine

We knew Al Wheeler as the uncle of SKS Executive Director Mary Alice Scott: most of us still refer to him as Uncle Al. He has not started any national organizations, and he is not used to speaking in public. As far as we know, Fresh Air isn't planning on interviewing him any time soon.

But like Fleet Maull, Uncle Al has been to the depths, and has brought back something beautiful to share.

He told us about his college days: cynical, intellectual, sarcastic. About his days in the army. About his conversion to religious fanaticism, with the self-righteousness it brought. He told us about his career, about his failed marriage, about his problems with his children. And he told us about the desperation that finally led him to his first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting...and his second. And his third.
He told it all in a simple, quiet voice. He did not try to hide the ugly parts or embellish the good parts. He simply told us the facts, simply because we wanted to know. One student said "I've never met anyone who came so close to being a saint, who was so completely without pretense, so utterly content to be himself."

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A few more snapshots

The most magical aspect of Avila is the community building. Each of these pictures shows a student who has recently joined SKS, with one of the older SKS members. On the left, Evan Harrison tells Kenny Felder about his recent experience in a rapport sitting—an experience he is still trying to come to terms with. Older SKS members serve as mentors, as listeners, and (as you can see!) as friends.

At the same time, it is a weekend for intense personal reflection. Why are my priorities so clear this weekend, but so muddy the rest of the time? How can I stay focused, over the upcoming months, on what is really important to me?

And for the SKS leadership, it is a time when they experience to the fullest their dual roles. On the left is Mary Alice Scott, SKS Executive Director. She runs the organization entirely—the heads of all three campus organizations, and all projects (including this retreat) (and this Web site for that matter), report to her. On the right is Mary Alice Scott, a confused girl who is still sorting out her own priorities—in a safe place, among friends.